I had my six-month performance evaluation the other day.
My supervisor and I sat down for a couple of hours to talk about my progress. Progress? I guess I wasn't aware that progress was a part of my position. I thought I did all of my progressing as a VISTA last year...
So, maybe this is just me, but whenever you advance in your life, whether that's going from 9th to 10th grade, getting a new job, getting married--looking back on those events, you find yourself feeling awfully wise, don't you? I definitely felt that way coming off of my first Americorps*VISTA position with Wisconsin Campus Compact and into my VISTA leader position at Michigan Campus Compact. Now that I've done it once, I know what to do, who to connect with, and how not to screw it up--all I have to do is tell people how to do that. Next year will be a piece of cake, I thought.
Well...no.
Actually, from a workload standpoint, I have found that being a VISTA leader is actually much easier than being a VISTA out in the field. Most of a VISTA leader's tasks are scheduled, where as VISTAs in the field are working with complex issues managing a million moving parts. As someone who loves a good routine, being a leader is where it's at for me. However, every so often, in apropos of nothing, something happens that breaks the routine--something big, something strange--that makes you wonder, how could I have been prepared for this?!
Wise? Yeah, maybe not so much.
During my six-month evaluation, it because apparent to me that interpersonal communication is one of those areas that requires some more of my attention. In my seven months as a VISTA leader, I've been in a handful of positions in which I've had to "put out fires" for whatever reason, which is a strange spot to be in when you've had little training in conflict resolution. But that's what is so great about AmeriCorps. It's a great opportunity to observe and experiment so that you can reflect on what you've done and improve in the future. You never stop improving, and AmeriCorps host sites really recognize that.
I've had the honor of working with two wonderful supervisors that have guided me through each of the tough situations that I've had to help VISTAs work through, and they have helped to resolve those issues with a degree of grace that I'm convinced I will never attain (forgive me for being cynical, but as of right now, my approach is about as graceful as a blind buffalo). I've been getting kind of down on myself about it, and we addressed it yesterday. Mel, my supervisor, explained that conflict resolution is a practice-makes-perfect kind of thing--you'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who innately possesses the skills to mediate or just knows the right questions to ask. Obviously, they're things that you can work on, but until you've been in the middle of a few "fires", they won't really mean that much to you.
That makes sense, and as simple as the concept was, I think that was something that I really needed to hear. I'm keeping interpersonal communication and conflict resolution on my radar, seeking opportunities for improvement as I progress through my term. But for the time being, I'm making a promise to myself--as conflict arises, I will replace my hesitance with confidence, approach situations with a level head and recognize that while I may not have all of the answers, I will listen well and navigate through it to the best of my ability. After all, that's all I can really ask of myself, right?
Until next time,
-Liz-
P.S. Right now, I'm working on our new display for career fairs! I'll post pictures of it when it's done--right now it's more of a collection of papers scattered around my cube...
